


Alternative History of the Sterek Fandom

by crowleyshouseplant



Category: Community (TV), Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crossover, Metafiction, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2013-07-23
Packaged: 2017-12-21 02:17:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/894629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowleyshouseplant/pseuds/crowleyshouseplant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The study group finds a new show to watch: MTV's Teen Wolf.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alternative History of the Sterek Fandom

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in response to fandom wank, specifically when Sterek shippers claimed they were under attack and a few BNF's arranged an Operation Positivity. When I was passively aggressively blogging about it, one of my followers, theblacksmithsdaughter, linked me to the Community episode “Alternative History of the German Invasion" and said I should encourage the Teen Wolf fandom to watch this episode. 
> 
> I had a good laugh about it because really, but then I realized that my laugh was not enough to vent my frustration with bnfs in general, so wrote this fic instead, which is (very loosely) based on the general concept of the episode. 
> 
> With that said, I’d like to thank tumblr users amorremanet and ghostlights for betaing this for me. 
> 
> it’s super meta fic—and we all know what Jeff says about meta (stop being meta, stop taking everything we do and shoving it up its own ass)—so for that i also apologize in advance.
> 
> Unfortunately, two of the three instances of Sterek interacting with the Dark Side of fandom or the anti-Sterek crowd actually happened multiple times that have established a definite pattern.The third event, a sterek jingle, is actually just a metaphor.
> 
> If I have overstepped, or if I am being offensive in some time, please feel free to call me out.

Study Room F smelled of stale glue from when the Glee Club had usurped the room for their Support Greendale signs championing their eventual pursuit for the elusive nationals trophy that would laurel the halls with their fame and fortune. For additional festivity, they had constructed (out of various shades of construction paper) approximate representations of actual astronomical phenomenons glittered with _you’re a star_ , the remains of which still dusted the carpet, the floor, and even possibly the air.

“It’s so cute,” Annie said, sweeping the excess glitter into her palm and blowing it softly from her hands.

“Remember: we don’t like the Glee Club,” Jeff said, rubbing his palms on his blue, blue jeans. A dusting of purple glitter remained, which he did not look at or pretend to otherwise notice.

Shirley blew the expanse of table, sending up puffs of flaked off glue, pale blue construction paper, and yes, glitter. “She was talking about the glitter not the Glee Club, who could have cleaned up after themselves.” She settled her books and notebooks on the space she had cleared for herself.

A howling, more appropriate for a full-mooned midnight than the casual late afternoon sun of today, filled the hall, froze the marrow, and chilled the spines. “What is that?” Shirley said, folding her purse closer to her chest.

Jeff, phone in hand, rolled his eyes, thumbs going quickly over the pad. “Nothing to worry about. It’s just Troy and Abed.”

The two, on cue as it were, burst through the door, felt beards on their faces, pointed prosthetic ears glued to their lobes and said, together over Annie’s high pitched shriek, “Troy and Abed in the moonlight!”

“Moonlight?” Pierce said, looking around, eyes squinting against the aforementioned afternoon sun. “Where? When?”

“Anywhere. Anywhen.” Abed said, taking his seat, Troy sliding in beside him. “The moon doesn’t go away just because the sun is up. It’s just that the sunlight happens to be stronger than the moonlight so we can’t see it.”

“Like how we can’t see the dining room light when the sun rises and my mom always flipped the light switch off and shouted not to waste electricity,” Troy said.

“I’m pretty sure that is not how that works,” Britta said at the same time.

Since the group had never taken an astronomy class together as of yet, no one could come up with a suitable rebuttal, so they chose to ignore her, as they usually did.

“We’re werewolves,” Abed said. “We’re not teen wolves but I guess we can pretend to be teenagers.” He bowed his head, then tipped his chin up, eyes bright. “The only reason I’m here instead of at Greendale High is because I have fifth period free. But then I have to return to school for the lacrosse tryouts. I bought Armani for the occasion.”

Troy leaned over the table and whispered, “It smells really good too.”

Abed continued. “I’m hoping that if I make it on the team it’ll secure my tenuous claim to be prom king, but I’m also a little concerned that it might affect my grades. There’s a test on Monday. History of the United States. Multiple choice and essay combination. It’ll be a doozy.”

“You’ll do great,” Troy said.

“We already took that test, Abed,” Jeff said.

“We study history in both college and high school,” Abed said. “It gets a little boring sometimes but I guess we make do.”

The group nodded in unanimous agreement.

Annie shifted her glance from Troy to Abed to Troy again. “Can someone please explain what is going on? Why are Troy and Abed pretending to be teenagers in high school? That was a terrible time.”

“Correction,” Jeff said, without looking up. “Teen werewolves in high school. It’s this show. It’s on MTV in its third season, though how on earth it managed that is beyond anybody’s guess. Predictably it’s called Teen Wolf because the protagonist Scott McCall is a teenager who happens to also be a werewolf when he was bit in the woods on a misadventure with his best friend who is also a teen but not a werewolf. It’s ridiculous.”

“It’s cool,” Abed said, playing with his pencil.

Britta, a wide gotcha smile growing on her face, said, “But you sure do know a lot about it for it being ridiculous, don’t you Jeff.”

This time, Jeff put his phone away, and sighed. “Fine. You got me. I watched a few episodes when I was bored.”

“A few, huh?” Britta turns her fingers into quotes.

Jeff did not deign to respond.

Abed looked between them, frowning. Then he turned to his anthropology text book. Troy rummaged around in his backpack, pulled out his book and also a bottle of orange juice, sunny delight, fresh squeezed. He unscrewed the cap and took a long draught, throat working up and down, before wiping his mouth to see Abed looking at him, eyebrows up. “Where are you getting you juice?”

“My mom does all the grocery shopping.”

A laugh escaped before Jeff remembered to be cool. If anybody had looked over his shoulder, they would have seen that he was scrolling through images and meta about Teen Wolf on his phone.

“No really, she does though,” Troy said, voice hushed.

~*~

Soon, more people from the study group were watching Teen Wolf.

Once, while waiting for Jeff and Troy and Abed to join them, Annie hoped desperately, with Britta and Shirley, that Lydia and Allison would get together, if you know what I mean. “It would be so easy,” she said to Britta. “They already spend their time in the car and in their bedrooms together. It would be just so easy for them to be more than friends! A little, you know, canoodling on the bed spread, that would eventually evolve into something more—I can only imagine it. Lydia helping Allison with her homework, and then she’d come over, her red hair falling over Allison’s shoulder, lips smelling like strawberries because of her pink chapstick, and—”

“Oh yeah,” Britta said. “We could definitely use more lesbians in our literature.”

Annie scooched her chair closer to Britta, hands clasped. “So who do you want to get together, hmm?”

“Oh I don’t know,” Britta said, laughing awkwardly. “I’m kind of a fan of Derek and Ms. Blake. You know how I like them—men on their knees—” Annie gasped a little—“and bloody. Shirt artfully torn—”

“Well, alright then,” Shirley interjected. “You know what I want to see in the show?” She put her palms down on the table. “For Peter Hale to get what’s coming to him.” She leaned back again in her chair, voice sweet once more. “Preferably with Mama McCall putting a baseball bat to his face.”

The other two nodded. “I think I could be down for that,” Britta said. “Lydia could join in. Chase him down a baseball field and see how he likes it.”

“They could celebrate after!” Annie said.

“Margaritas while drenched in the blood of their enemy!” Shirley said. “That’s nice.”

“Except for Lydia. She’s not 21 yet.” Annie smoothed her light yellow sweater perfect for staving off the chill of an over zealous cooling system.

“I’m sure she can manage a fake ID,” Britta said.

Then the boys came in, arguing loudly. “Look, I’m not saying that Stiles and Derek would be good together, just that they’d have hate sex together. Really. Kinky. Hate sex.”

“Why would they have sex if they hate each other?” Troy said. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Abed lifted his finger. “But neither does that thing Jeff said the lacrosse betas did in the locker room.”

“I know you probably took billiards in high school, Jeff, but the locker room is not a magical place where the water is hot and the steam rises artfully — it’s the place where you always make sure you wear your sandals because if you don’t mold will grow between your toes and that’s just gross,” Troy said.

“You’re right, Troy. I think that Scott and Isaac and Boyd would be far more likely to watch marathons of Inspector Space Time on bean pillows that have comfortably shaped themselves to the contours of their body. They’d argue about who would make the popcorn before starting. It’s awkward when Isaac likes his with more butter than anybody else’s.”

Troy’s mouth falls into a small o shape. “Would they make a third bunk because that would be so cool.”

“Cool-cool-cool.”

~*~

But then the rest of the school started watching Teen Wolf, most notably The Germans.

The study group would be in the cafeteria, at their own table, the one they always took, eating their french fries and their pizza that tasted like it had been baked once then, then warmed up the next day, and again the day after.

It was terrible.

“I don’t really care what happens,” Troy said, “I just want Scott to be alpha of his own pack and to keep everybody safe because nobody is very safe with their authority figures—”

“—unless that authority figure is Melissa McCall,” Shirley said.

Then a shadow fell across their table, blotting out the noon day sun. “Did I hear you talking about the MTV television show Teen Wolf?” Reinhold said, smirking. “Oh, so sorry to disappoint you but Stiles is the alpha you are looking for. And also Stiles and Derek engage in the sehr hot gay sex.” He pumped his hips, slowly.

Abed frowned at the Germans, eyes shifting. “I think you’re confusing Stiles for Scott. Scott is the main character, while Stiles fulfills the foiling side kick role to Scott’s role as the protagonist, thus illustrating the differences between the two of them. For example, Stiles frequently wishes to kill people while Scott prefers other methods.”

“Thank you, Abed,” Troy said. “I definitely would rather follow the person who’s not up for murdering people.”

“Also, Stiles is not a werewolf so it’d be physically impossible for him to become an alpha. Not to mention that if he did by happenchance become a werewolf, the alpha he would have to kill in order to become an alpha himself would be Derek for the most dramatic conclusion of his as of yet non existent narrative arc as a werewolf.”

An awkward pause that did not affect the surrounding tables, descended between The Germans and the Study Group until Troy said, in a small voice, “Scott won’t have to kill an alpha to become one he’s just naturally an alpha and too good for rules that encourage murder and mayhem.”

“Of course.” Troy and Abed exchanged their special handshake.

“Well.” Reinhold picked up a fry, dipped it in ketchup, and flicked it to Abed where it missed and fell in red splatters to the floor. “Du can keep your goody two shoes hero. We will see who the real hero is.”  

They turned. Dramatically. Karl, neck craning so he could look over his shoulder at Abed, mouthed something that looked like sorry.

“Great,” Jeff said. “They ship Sterek now. Why do they have to ruin everything. Why don’t they just love them like I love them!”

“It’s okay, Jeff,” Abed said. “I am under the impression that most people have different feelings about things.”

~*~

The next day, Troy found a crudely drawn sketch of Stiles taking Scott for a walk as a dog while Derek, standing tall and human on two legs, watched afar from a distance taped to the glass windows of Study Room F.

“What the hell is that?” Britta said, tearing it from the front lines. “That is not a very good drawing.”

“Below the belt,” Troy said. “Scott is not a dog! This isn’t a true likeness! You know, this is just like that the time Stiles chained Scott to a grate and gave him water in a dog bowl with his name on it. Not cool!”

“And racist,” Shirley said.

Loud guffaws bellowed down the hall. “How do you like that huh? Isn’t it great! We drew it ourselves. How do you like your alpha now?”

“Don’t be mean!” Annie shouted back, with just the barest hint of a squeak in her voice.

“Troy, give me that,” Shirley said. She didn’t wait for Troy to do as she asked, but stripped the paper from its scotch tape and began to tear it into confetti strips then dumped the whole fistful of paper into the trash.

“How dare you!” Reinhold said. “I worked very hard on that! How dare you touch my art! How dare you destroy it like that!”

Troy said. “Because it was on our study room!”

“I consider this a personal attack, I will have you know. I will report you to the Dean und see what he has to say about you tearing down my art, my freedom of speech, if you will, haha, into the trash can.”

“I’ll can you if you’re not careful!” Shirley said.

“Oh, now we are resorting to physical threats, I see.”

Annie, indignant, said, “You started it!”

By the look of things, it appeared that events were lining up for a colossal demonstration of verbal warfare. But then, Jeff stepped between the two groups, arms raised. “Guys. In what possible universe—”

“—well, there are six possible timelines, so—”

“Thank you, Abed, but in this universe—would the Dean take somebody else’s side over mine—which is also ours.”

Annie smirks, daintily, before hmphing in a high pitched tone that conveyed an aura of _ha take that bitches_  as she sashayed into the study room. Pierce followed, muttering something about it’s just a werewolf joke can’t we just lighten up, followed by Britta, Jeff, and finally Abed, Troy, and Shirley after they levied a stink eye so powerful at The Germans that they slunk away with Karl, once more, mouthing the word sorry before following his comrades.

~*~

On the night before a big test, the study group was in Study Room F with a hijacked tv flipped to MTV in order to watch the newest episode of Teen Wolf. However, they were interrupted when the Glee Club burst through the double sided glass doors, singing a stirring rendition of the chorus to Madonna’s Material Girl: 

 

> And we are living in a Sterek world
> 
> And I am a Sterek fan
> 
> You know that we are living in a Sterek world
> 
> And I am a Sterek fan.

They sang it over and over until the study group had clutched pillows or thumbs to their ears. Troy sobbed that it doesn’t even rhyme right it doesn’t even rhyme into Abed’s shoulder.

“Are you freaking serious, right now?” Jeff said.

“Deadly serious,” the Glee Club said. “The Germans send their regards.”

“This might be one cross over too many,” Abed said, but nobody heard.

~*~

The day came where they could not even eat lunch at their cafeteria table because, when they did, The Germans (who were eventually joined by the majority of the student body), pelted baked cookies with words like “sterek” and “jeff davis is a gift” marked in frosting on the face.

They spent the next half hour combing cookie crumbs from their hair and wiping frosting from their cheeks while they debated what to do.

“We can’t let this go unanswered!” Annie said, bits of torn, damp cotton stuck to her fingers. “What should we do?”

“I guess it really depends which path we want to take,” Abed said. “Derek would probably go for a more violent approach. Manipulate them into a situation where they are at their most vulnerable, and then offer them the bite in the hope that they would not survive the metamorphosis from human to werewolf. Scott would try to talk to them until situations went too far as to warrant a non-violent response. In this situation, the best non violent approach would be to ignore them and hope that they’ll get bored eventually.”

“But I don’t want to ignore them I want them to suffer as I have suffered,” Shirley said. “But I can also turn the other cheek. As Jesus did. Troy. Don’t eat the cookies.”

“Shirley, it’s chocolate chip!”

“They’re evil Sterek cookies that will give you indigestion.”

~*~

Not a day went by when someone didn’t sit themselves down with the study group in the cafeteria and talk about how great Sterek was when they were, instead, talking about the kind of pajama shaped shenanigans Scott and Isaac and Boyd would get up to.

They resorted to eating out in the lawns outside, but people with megaphones would parade the sidewalks, handing out Sterek cookies. When the study group politely declined anymore such cookies, they said, hands on their hips, looming over them as they tried to eat their peanut butter and jelly in peace, “What are you? Homophobic or something?”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Abed said.

“Especially since I’m pretty sure I’m bi or maybe even pan,” Troy said. “I’m still figuring it out. What about you, Abed?”

“I wouldn’t say I was gay. But I’m definitely not straight. Or possibly even cis,” Abed said.

“You’re so weird,” they said, before they shoved off to various other campus corners.

“It’s okay, Abed,” Troy said. “I think you’re cool.”

~*~

The entire school was draped in banners proclaiming that it was Sterek Appreciation week. “But isn’t always Sterek Appreciation Week?” Britta said.

“They’re still handing out cookies,” Annie said. “It’s so creepy.”

“You know what,” Jeff said. “Screw this.”

Shirley tore down a Sterek flyer. “I’ve been saying that since the beginning.”

They each had a pile of crumpled up and torn up and possibly defaced Sterek fliers in their hands before they encountered The Germans. “What are you doing?”

“Tearing down these fliers what does it look like we’re doing,” Jeff said.

“Well why?” they said. “It’s not like it’s yours.”

“Yeah, but this is our school too,” Britta said.

“That’s why it’s called Community College,” Jeff said. “Our tax dollars pay for it and our education not to have revolting Sterek ships pushed down our throats.”

Behind Jeff’s back, Annie and Shirley exchanged high fives.

“You can’t just do this. Those are our papers and we used our time to hang them.”

“And we’re using our time to tear them down,” Jeff said, “And do you know why?”

There was a long pause.

Abed leaned forward to listen closely. “Is this a rhetorical question, Jeff?”

“No. It’s not a rhetorical question, but I’ll answer it anyway. It’s because Sterek sucks, okay. It never used to suck, but then you had to go and ruin it. Now it’s everywhere. Now it’s popular. Now it’s not cool. Now people actually watch Teen Wolf thinking that Sterek is a major player when it’s really nothing but a crack ship—which let’s be honest here, was its initial appeal before you had to go and ruin it! So I really hope you’re happy, you german douche canoes.”

Throughout this discourse, The Germans’ face grew a shade more red as each word passed. “What did you say? The crowd is so loud here with their conversations and their eating and their schooling.”

Jeff threw his head back, shoulders hunched, sighing heavily. “Do I have to repeat the whole thing or can I just give you the cliff notes version? Here, I’ll speak it slowly and loudly so that you’ll be sure not to miss anything in the background noise. STEREK. SUCKS. OKAY. GET. IT?”

The Germans fell back a pace, their mouths open in delicate shock. “Why are you being so negative? Why are you shouting at us? Why are you attacking us in this way?”

“You threw cookies at us!” Shirley shouted back.

“Oh and people die from baked goods, do they?” The Germans asked.

Annie stepped forward, fists on her waist. “But they might from the principle of it!”

At that moment, the Dean flew in. “Oh, dean-dean-dean! I call a time out in order to remind everybody that we really need to be positive and support each other so that we can all grow together as a community!”

“I don’t want to be part of a community that tapes up racist fan art on our study room and expects us to laugh about it,” Shirley said, arms crossed over her chest.

“Now, now, now, I’m sure that if we apologize then things will be better. Don’t we all agree?” The Dean looked at both parties hopefully through his eye glasses.

“No we certainly do not agree!” Shirley said. “Do we?”

The study group uttered various versions of “no” save for Pierce, who shrugged. Karl looked uncomfortable.

The Dean turned to The Germans. “Can’t you please just agree to disagree. Or apologize. Or something? Anything? I hate to pull this card but as the Dean I could possibly make life very difficult for you in this small community college.”

The Germans shuffled, eying each other awkwardly. “Fine. We apologize. Reluctantly.”

“Oh that’s nice,” Shirley said, “But we don’t accept your apology.”

“But aren’t Christians supposed to forgive?” Britta said.

Shirley smoothed her sweater. “Those two things are not the same, Britta.”

“Oh that’s all very well for you to say,” the Dean said, exasperated as he flung his arms out. “What are we supposed to do now? How can positivity and love and support survive in such negative feedback loops!

Troy jumped onto a nearby table. “Abed and I found the paintball things in a janitors closet so I propose a paintball fight to settle this once and for all!”

He shouted the last two in such a riveting tenor that the entire quad was stirred to action.

The walls of Greendale were once more splattered with green and yellow paint; flyers for community events, tutors needed, and yes, even Sterek, were splashed with exploding paint pellets until not even a casual observer could tell which was which.

And, at the end of it, when the Sterek cookies had been rendered uneatable, when the Glee club had screamed their voices hoarse so they could not longer sing anything at all, let alone a jingle about Sterek, the study group met paint stained and hearts racing for the newest episode of Teen Wolf, which they had wisely set to record on their DVR.


End file.
